So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
