Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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