genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
