Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
