Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
