I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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