So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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