Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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