Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
