she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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