The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
