I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
