Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
