and you said cock pushups were impossible
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
