Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
