i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Shame - the story of my life.
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