Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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