We named our party play list daddy issues
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you never un-have a 4some
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
