Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
