no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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