I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So here I am, sexting at work.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
