College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
