We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
