Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
