A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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