her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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