I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize