this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
