My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize