YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
