As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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