His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
