His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize