I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
