chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
now i know why i became what i already was.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
