FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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