VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She announced her abortion via fbk
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
