We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize