i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
