I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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