chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize