just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize