you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it glows. i had to have it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
