Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
