I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
