I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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