We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
