After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize