then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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