i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
