I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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