Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
