i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
