On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
