I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
