had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
