I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
false alarm, still single
Randomize
