So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
