Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
