i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
