the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
