kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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