Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't deserve a penis
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
