u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
no, he came in my armpit
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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