I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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