My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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