someone get that fucking seahorse.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
