Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
