If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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