So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
