no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
