So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
